Good Ending, Sad Ending

No matter what happens in life, there’s always a choice. A choice of how it ends… whether you choose to live your life till the end driven by your beliefs, or blow out the candle on yourself. No matter what happens in life, there is only one ending if one takes his or her own life. A sad ending.

Someone I know took her life this morning. The person who called me to let me know the news was her father. A father is supposed to walk a daughter down the aisle to her groom. A father is not supposed to be the one calling every friend and family about the tragic that he himself is still finding ways to reason with.

Of course, no matter how difficult and unfair it may seem, a father will have assume the responsibility because he loves his daughter.

Few years ago, a close friend of mine who lives on the opposite side of the globe got me on video chat so I can watch him slice his wrist. He was in depression, didn’t really mean to kill himself, but was one of those who did it so people can take pity on him. I was not sad, but angry. Angry of his selfishness. Why, if he’s a friend, would he put me in such a helpless situation when all I could do it to watch and hope for the best?

Then I met a psychologist and asked him about people with depression. He explained depression to be a “solution”, a solution that individuals resort to when they meet emotional stress, a mechanism that they chose to use to help themselves ease the pain, except that it doesn’t work. So it’s a choice after all. His job is to help his patients find other ways to face the reality, ways that work.

What actually happened that drove the girl to this path… I don’t think I will ever really know. I was told some details of what she went through, things that I cannot imagine that human beings can do to each other. I see it a betrayal of people against each other due to the self-preservation nature of systems. When a group of people depend on a system to survive, they turn against those who prove it to be unsuccessful, even through being a victim of the system. They violate, victimize and abandon the person, like a disposable item. Of course, I don’t believe that external factors are enough to drive a person to make such a determined decision. It’s ultimately the person him/herself who gets to choose what the reality means to him/her.

It is still a shock to me to learn the news, because she always seem to positive, energetic, passionate and confident, despite all that have happened to her.

She used to be a lifeguard, but she decided to take her own life instead.

“What’s the goal in life?”

That’s a question everyone asks and has to answer.

To me, the goal in life is, ultimately, one has to come to peace with himself.

What does this mean?

Everyone has their beliefs. Beliefs that drive people to do what they do, live the way they live. Beliefs will always have a gap from the reality. This gap can be big, it can be small too. It’s the matter of consciousness against reality. At the end of the day, we need to find the balance between what we want and how much we can achieve. If we can find a way to find that balance, I believe that’s peace.

What does it take for a person to take his or her own life?

What does it take for a person to find peace with him or herself?

What makes life so fragile?

What makes life strong?

I hope for everyone, no matter what their beliefs are and what the reality is, that everyone can find peace with themselves.

I hope her departure can turn into strength for everyone who loves her, and eventually into good endings.